Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about something called Delayed Life Syndrome. You know, it’s that stuck feeling - that when you feel more ready, more rested, more prepared, more whatever, then you’ll finally start living.
Yep, Delayed Life Syndrome is that quiet, persistent belief that your real life will begin once you’ve checked a few more boxes. Eeeeek.
But your life isn’t on pause. It’s happening right now! And it’s way too short to put feeling fab on hold, don’t ya know.
If you know me even a little, then you already know what’s coming - I’m gonna talk to you about your creativity. Because I know first-hand that expressing your creativity is a natural antidote to being overwhelmed by an aggressive world.
In other words, I know your creativity keeps you sane.
Consider this a three-part manifesto for resetting your energy, giving yourself permission, and taking imperfect action toward creativity and joy.
It’s your creative reset for moving forward when life feels on hold:
Part 1. Reset: Why you really ought to mind your own business.
Part 2. Permission: From when-then-ing to AND-anyway-ing.
Part 3. Action: The wild card effect and ikigai.
Part 1. Reset: Why you really ought to mind your own business.
Let me begin by telling you to mind your own business! And no, I don't mean stop poking your nose in what your neighbors are up to.
What I mean is this:
Focus your energy and attention inward on your desires vs. outward on others.
About OUTWARD FOCUS:
When everything around you feels crazy, you think you need to be on top of what everyone else is doing. You get sucked into being super-vigilant and that leads to nervous system shutdown.
When you focus your energy and attention on everything out there, you are in a constant state of stress. Your nervous system is not designed to process all that information 24/7. Nope. By the time our nervous system evolves to that level, we'll all be cyborgs. Well, I don't know about you, but I plan to be long-dead.
Anyhoo, think of stress as holding tightly. You're holding in your angry words, you're holding back your energy because you feel depleted, you're holding on to old hurts, etc. Being super-vigilant is about trying to control shit and that leads to muscle tension in your body.
About INWARD FOCUS:
But when you focus your energy and attention on everything in there, you are dipping your toes into your inner source of energy.
Here's the thing, our primordial desire as human beings is to create and belong. Period. That’s our soul’s purpose for being here, and we can channel it in whatever way we want.
Spending time in creative play is a natural antidote to being overwhelmed by an aggressive world. Your creativity will keep you sane.
Inward is the way out.
Just think of the cave paintings with the hands! Just think of being a kid and making something and then immediately running to your parents and saying, Look at me! I made this thing! Whoopee!
Inward focus is your energy reset. Inward focus helps you show up feeling more purposeful.
When everything around you feels crazy, mind your own business!
In other words, put your own oxygen mask on first before passing out trying to help others.
Who knew airplane lingo could serve as wise words, right?
Part 2. Permission: From when-then-ing to AND-anyway-ing.
So far, we’ve been musing about how inward focus, aka minding our own business, is important for supporting our nervous system and resetting our energy.
When we focus inward, we tune into our primordial desire as human beings to create and belong.
Now it’s time to address the big-ass question:
If we know we hold the desire to create and belong, why do we delay our joy?
I think of delaying our joy as WHEN-THEN-ing.
Examples of WHEN-THEN-ing:
• WHEN I feel less tired, THEN I'll start walking
• WHEN I lose 5 pounds, THEN I'll pay for that photo shoot
• WHEN I have more time, THEN I'll get back to my art
• WHEN I feel more fit, THEN I'll start my exercise routine
The opposite of WHEN-THEN-ing could be thought of as AND-ANYWAY-ing.
Examples of AND-ANYWAY-ing:
• I feel like a hot mess AND I'm gonna try this thing anyway
• I feel like a loser because I never did/finished the thing AND I can start something new anyway
• I feel like I'm always messing this thing up AND I can stay curious about exploring new ways anyway
Ya see how AND means you'll go ahead anyway, no matter how icky you're feeling! This is why I want you to embrace the idea that:
AND kicks WHEN-THEN in the butt.
You can start messy. I promise. Embrace the word AND - use it as the permission slip you need to stop delaying your joy.
TRUTH BOMB:
If you wait for your future self to do it mañana, it ain't gonna happen. You're simply postponing your happiness. YOU WILL FIND A WAY to scrub your shower tiles with a toothbrush instead of doing the thing you're avoiding. No matter how much joy doing that thing will give you, you'll resist doing it.
Why?
I'm not your shrink, so let's not go there. Because this self- sabotage shit runs deep and honestly, you can simply START where you are at this moment in time. You don't need to attach a narrative to why the self-sabotage is there. We all have it. It's the price of being human.
And here’s the deal:
Motivation doesn't happen BEFORE you take action. Motivation kicks in AFTER you start.
PERMISSION:
You have my permission to never get it right, never figure it out, never feel all put together. Just as long as you keep moving in the direction of your desires, you're golden as far as I'm concerned. Smile.
Part 3. Action: The wild card effect and ikigai.
Moving right along, now it’s time to introduce you to the wild card effect.
So sometimes at the end of my classes, when we have a few extra minutes to spare, we play with unscrambling scrambled words.
You know, like when you take a word with mixed-up letters like V L E O and then write the correct answer: LOVE.
Do not scoff, little grasshopper!
I once stared at the letters E D R A B for fifteen minutes straight until I figured out it was BREAD. Bread, I tell you. And I'm the teacher. No lie.
So here's what we do when we get stuck on a word:
We grab a piece of paper and write the letters of the mixed-up word randomly all over the page.
Sometimes the sheer act of writing the letters in a different order does the trick. But mostly it's the act of looking at the letters dispersed all over a page that does it.
Mixing up your bits in a different order (be they letters, words, ingredients, materials, facts, storylines, ideas, etc.) gives you clarity.
This is why the wild card effect gets your butt unstuck.
And here’s the deal:
Introducing a change or simply mixing up the order of things helps us take action.
Are you familiar with ikigai?
It’s a Japanese word that refers to the reason you get up in the morning. Your sense of purpose. I learned this word in a little film by Wim Wenders called Perfect Days.
The protagonist in this film captures elusive moments with his camera.
He'd look up at the trees and watch them swaying in the wind. And he'd take out his little analog camera from his pocket and snap a photo to capture the play of light and shadow of the leaves.
He simply held up his camera and aimed it at the sky, letting fate decide what the camera film would capture. Then he’d develop the film and keep his favorite pics in boxes.
His reason for getting up in the morning was to feel good to be alive. To be present to the gift of a new day.
He wanted to take it all in, moment by moment:
Happy moments, funny moments, strange moments, sad moments, frustrating moments. He didn't seem to judge the moments. They were never any wrong moments for him. His joy came from being there.
His photos are a testimony to his existence. Just like those cave paintings with the hands! Remember, you can let your creativity keep you sane:
I was here.
Conclusion.
Your soul’s purpose for being here is to create and belong, and you can channel it in whatever way you want.
You can feel like a hot mess AND try something new anyway. Your only job is to keep moving in the direction of your desires.
You have my permission to never get it right, never figure it out, never feel all put together.
Just try. Experiment. Play. Mix it up and take action. Because motivation doesn't happen BEFORE you take action. Motivation kicks in AFTER you start.
Here’s something for you to check out:
If your creative projects are piling up while perfectionism keeps you stuck always trying harder, I get it.
Maybe you have plenty of free time after work and on weekends, but zero bandwidth to do anything that really matters to you, like your art. Your perfectionism has you convinced that all you need is more discipline. Go to the gym every day. Read more self-help books. Push through. Try harder.
If that's you, know this:
You don’t have to put your joy on hold anymore.
Get on my mailing list and grab the free Permission To Play Training:
This is a short, fun training (less than an hour!) where I'll guide you through my own 6-step framework for getting my butt unstuck through play.
Think of me as your personal trainer for getting your creative mojo back on track.
In this training, you'll be scribbling, doodling, making marks, and having fun with your art supplies. No fancy skills required. Just you, some markers or crayons, and a willingness to play.
What you'll take away:
• The satisfaction of giving yourself the gift of spending time on yourself
• The joy of having fun with your creative side
• A simple framework you can use anytime you need to jumpstart your momentum