If you’ve been following along in this three-part series, you’ll know that for nearly all my life I’ve let my perfectionism put my joy on hold. But then I figured out how to kick my life-sucking guilt narratives out the door. Like thinking I needed to hide the fact that my studio space is tiny or that I teach on the side. I’m too old for this crap. Yep, it looks like every day I’m a little smarter about living what I preach:
All the good you want in your life starts with feeling good about yourself.
Take it from me, a recovering perfectionist and introvert now showing up in videos as the Pink Fairy for all to see. Because I’m giving myself permission to shine by caring less and playing more. Yep, that’s the only way to get out from under the grip of perfectionism.
The worst part about being a perfectionist is that it keeps you from trying. And not trying is what keeps us stuck.
The all-or-nothing mentality.
What makes us too scared to try? Well, let me tell you. The reason is we live in an age of all-or-nothing thinking. And it goes like this:
• If I don’t have a whole hour, I might as well not bother to exercise.
• If I don’t have the whole morning, I might as well not get out my paints.
• If I don’t have the perfect tools, I might as well not bother to start.
Feel free to write your own all-or-nothing misbelief:
If I don’t have ________________ then why bother doing ________________.
Another way the all-or-nothing mentality shows up for us is like this:
• If I don’t stick to my plan, I might as well not bother to keep trying.
• If I don’t stay on my diet for breakfast, I might as well not bother for the rest of the day.
Feel free to write your own all-or-nothing misbelief:
If I mess up ________________ then why bother continuing with ________________.
Do ya see what’s going on here? There’s an expectation of what our results should look like. We’re holding ourselves to an ideal that only exists in our minds. We expect to have the perfect amount of time to get the perfect kind of results. It’s crazy.
Let’s say you haven’t exercised in months because you can’t find 60 minutes in your day. (Hello! This is totally me.) And let’s say you decide to do a little yoga for 10 minutes today. Well, you just increased your exercising output by a gazillion percent because you went from nada to 10 minutes. That’s like going from running a mile in an hour to running a mile in a minute.
Those ten minutes that didn’t seem worth your time just turned you into a rock star. Oh, yeah.
Or let’s say you’ve been really good about eating clean and then you find yourself having dinner with friends and eating every possible fried thing on the menu. You can let your dinner derail you for the rest of the week, or you can get over yourself for messing up and move on.
Sometimes what keeps us from trying scary things is that we’re unwilling to forgive ourselves for not being perfect. Yikes.
The just-for-today mentality.
Let me propose a cure for the all-or-nothing mentality. The first step alone will cure you forever:
1. Get over yourself for messing up and move on.
Yep, stop complicating your life by thinking everything is about you. Get over it. The next step is about taking action with your new attitude. And it will only take a minute of your time. No lie. The way to get over the all-or-nothing mentality is by adopting the just-for-today mentality. Do it like a game. Simply play along and see what happens.
2. Take a minute every morning to set your intention to think differently. Just for today.
Just for today is how you play.
Remember, you’ve decided to try something new and different from what you’ve done before. So don’t have any expectations of what will happen. None. Nada. The whole point is to play the game because you’re only gonna do it for 24 hours. No more.
Try having a just-for-today mentality for 21 days. I’ve numbered the prompts below, but you don’t have to do them in any particular order. Let your intuition guide you.
1. Just for today, I will assume that everything is always working out for me.
2. Just for today, I will feed my spirit by doing something I truly enjoy.
3. Just for today, I will NOT feel the need to explain myself.
4. Just for today, I will give myself permission to not care about what others think.
5. Just for today, I will only make decisions that feel good.
6. Just for today, I will treat myself like royalty.
7. Just for today, I will chill and not try to solve all my problems at once.
8. Just for today, I will invite anyone who doesn’t like me to kiss my butt.
9. Just for today, I will NOT be afraid to receive all the love coming my way.
10. Just for today, I will see everything in my life as a gift.
11. Just for today, I will NOT be afraid to feel joy for all the beauty in my life.
12. Just for today, I will appreciate my body by pampering myself.
13. Just for today, I will feel excited about what’s possible for me.
14. Just for today, I will feel super fancy by dressing in my good clothes..
15. Just for today, I will honor myself by asking for help.
16. Just for today, I will give myself the space to bask in how good it feels to be alive.
17. Just for today, I will trust my intuition to take the natural next step.
18. Just for today, I will NOT compare myself to someone who’s not me.
19. Just for today, I will feel satisfied that I’ve done enough for one day.
20. Just for today, I will be my own rainbow by wearing lots of happy colors.
21. Just for today, I will look for all the happy surprises waiting for me.
Fabulous is as fabulous does.
To do fabulous start by thinking like your future fab self now. Because she’s treating herself with kindness and having fun styling her outfits. She’s expressing her creativity and not waiting for a special occasion. She knows she doesn’t need a reason to feel good. And she certainly doesn’t need permission from anyone else to shine.
Let Twinki-Winki fill your life with color, joy, smiles, style, and attitude. Let’s do fabulous together.